a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I AM VODKA MAN
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
