I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
