seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
