Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
