3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize