Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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