All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
