I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I just sharted jello shots
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