He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
