oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize