If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
