You really coming over, don't trick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
