This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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