Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
