Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize