just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
