I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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