if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Rumble strips road head = magical
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
