So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
