Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
