I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We are two peas in an std pod
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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