I wannas sexs uuuuu
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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