He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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