I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
