i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
