I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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