They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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