Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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