Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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