Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
