I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
