The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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