I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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