I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
