I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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