Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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