I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
