Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
