i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
