So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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