I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
