I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
