Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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