theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
