Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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