We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
sex in a hospital.. check
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
