why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
