remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
