i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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