Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
