Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
