Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
