I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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