I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
