So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
