maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
