i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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