My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
