No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
