I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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