Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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