And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
