her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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