Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
