I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
