you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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