I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
