I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
