I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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