do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
