please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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