Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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