Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i've created a new STD.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
