In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
