i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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