i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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