My nipple is on Facebook.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
