Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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