then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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