hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
