Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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