The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
