You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
