UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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