did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
