I wish I only lived at night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize